Dealing with Disappointment and Triggers to Drink Alcohol

Dealing with Disappointment: Understanding Triggers and Finding New Paths

Disappointment is one of those emotions we all encounter, and it can hit hard—especially when things don’t go the way we expect. Whether it’s waiting for results that never seem to come, or feeling let down by situations or people, disappointment has a way of sneaking up on us. And when it does, it can easily trigger unhealthy habits like overeating or drinking to cope.

In this article, I’ll explore why we feel disappointment, what it’s trying to tell us, and how to find healthier ways to deal with it—so you don’t fall into those old habits of using alcohol or food to escape.

Why Do We Feel Disappointed?

At its core, disappointment happens when our reality doesn’t match our expectations. We set goals, make plans, and picture outcomes, but when things don’t unfold as we imagined, disappointment hits. A common source of this feeling is having rigid expectations—where we expect a particular outcome without allowing space for flexibility or patience.

For example, have you ever been working on improving your health, cutting back on alcohol, or making changes in your habits, but after weeks of effort, the results are nowhere in sight? That gap between effort and expectation can leave you feeling deflated.

The thing is, we often set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect quick results in a world that doesn’t work on our timeline. Expecting rapid progress—whether in fitness, mental health, or even alcohol reduction—can create frustration and the feeling of failure when progress doesn’t appear fast enough. This is the point where many of us are tempted to give up or turn to alcohol or overeating for comfort.

The Function of Disappointment

So, what purpose does disappointment serve? It’s not just a negative emotion. Disappointment acts as a signal that something didn’t go according to plan, giving us a chance to reflect on our expectations. Often, it helps us realise when our thinking is too rigid or when we’ve set the bar too high for ourselves.

It can also be a form of self-protection. When things aren’t going well, it’s easier to say, "I’m disappointed," rather than admitting deeper feelings of vulnerability, fear, or insecurity. But that disappointment can actually be an invitation to dig deeper and examine what’s going on beneath the surface. Are you expecting too much, too soon? Are you placing too much pressure on yourself to achieve perfection?

Disappointment is also an opportunity to adjust your mindset. Instead of seeing it as a reason to give up, use it to rethink your approach. Maybe the timeline you’ve set for yourself is too ambitious, or maybe you need to be more flexible in your expectations.

Learning from Disappointment When Results Aren’t Immediate

One of the toughest situations to handle is when you’re putting in the effort but aren’t seeing the results you hoped for. Whether you’re cutting back on alcohol, making healthier food choices, or working out, the slow progress can feel discouraging.... if you let it.

However, the key lesson here is to focus on the process, not just the outcome.

Instead of getting caught up in the fact that the results haven’t shown up yet, focus on the daily actions you’re taking. Celebrate the small wins—like choosing not to drink at a social event, sticking to your fitness routine, or simply making a healthier choice when faced with temptation. These are victories in their own right, even if the big results aren’t visible yet.

Disappointment can also teach us about our resilience. It forces us to ask ourselves, "Am I willing to keep going, even when progress is slow?" This is where true growth happens. Success isn’t about instant results; it’s about committing to the journey, knowing that meaningful change takes time.

When Disappointment Hurts

Of course, disappointment can hurt, especially when it feels personal. Maybe you’ve set a goal, and you’re working hard, but the results are just not showing up fast enough. That gap between effort and result can feel like a personal failure, feeding into feelings of shame and self-doubt.

At this point, it’s crucial to separate your worth from your progress. Just because you haven’t seen immediate results doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. Disappointment is simply a signal that the outcome didn’t match your hopes or expectations—not a reflection of your abilities or your value as a person.

When disappointment stings, it’s also easy to fall back into coping mechanisms like drinking or overeating to numb the feeling. But before you do, remember: this feeling is temporary, and how you handle it matters. Being compassionate toward yourself during these moments is essential.

Alternatives for Dealing with Disappointment

So, how do we deal with disappointment in a healthier way, without turning to alcohol or food? Here are some strategies you can try the next time disappointment creeps in:

1. Acknowledge the Feeling
   Instead of ignoring or numbing it, acknowledge your disappointment. Naming it allows you to process the emotion instead of avoiding it. Saying, "I’m disappointed because I haven’t seen the results I expected yet," can help you confront the feeling head-on.

2. Shift Your Expectations
   Take a moment to reflect on whether your expectations are realistic. Have you set goals that are too ambitious, or tied your sense of success to a strict timeline? Adjusting those expectations can help reduce frustration and set you up for a more sustainable journey.

3. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome
   It’s easy to get fixated on results, but real growth comes from focusing on the daily actions you’re taking. Whether it’s cutting back on alcohol, sticking to your workout routine, or making better food choices, each small step matters.

4. Practice Patience
   Remind yourself that meaningful change takes time. Results won’t come overnight, but that doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Be patient with yourself and trust the process.

5. Gratitude and Self-Compassion
   When disappointment strikes, try to shift your focus to what’s going right. Practicing gratitude for even the smallest steps forward can help balance out the frustration. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Disappointment doesn’t mean failure—it means you’re on a journey, and that’s something to honor.

Final Thoughts

Disappointment is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to derail your progress or lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating or drinking. By understanding why disappointment happens and learning from it, you can use it as a tool for growth rather than a trigger for self-sabotage.

Remember, real change takes time. So, the next time disappointment shows up, take a deep breath, reassess your expectations, and keep going.

The feeling of disappointment is real, the story it offers you is optional.

The results will come—you just have to be patient with yourself along the way.

By approaching disappointment with self-compassion and a willingness to learn, you can turn a negative emotion into a stepping stone for growth. And if you ever find yourself slipping back into old habits, remember that’s okay too—it’s part of the journey.

Hear more about dealing with disappointment and triggers to drink in episode 168 of The Alcohol ReThink Podcast. Listen HERE

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